When I was in kindergarten, a group of firefighters came to my elementary school to teach us about fire safety. If you were a DPS student in the early 2000s, you may remember the infamous RV pumped full of artificial smoke used to teach children how to escape a burning house. This was a somewhat forgettable experience for most kids, mostly associated with the fact that they would not have to do any classwork for those glorious 20 minutes spent waiting in line for the other class to finish their turn. For me, however, that trailer would start one of the longest anxious hyper fixations of my lifetime.
Since fire safety training day in 2009, I have been terrified by the fact that my house could hypothetically burn down at any moment, particularly while I'm asleep. Every night before I went to bed as a kid, I would stare at the smoke alarm on my ceiling, rehearsing the fire safety protocol that I had learned in school-- crawl under the smoke, check doors with the back of your hand, call 911. Despite this, the first time I actually woke up to that sharp beeping noise, I was less than prepared. My mom found me curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor, hyperventilating and methodically chanting "please don't hurt me," because you know, that will stop a fire. Turns out that my brother had set my brand new alarm clock to go off in the middle of the night as a prank so... that was a bit of an overreaction.
In addition to offputting neurotypical people and being highly amusing to people with anxiety, this story reminds me that anxiety has been a part of my life since before I could understand what or why it was. For me, considering the various ways in which people in my life could die and/or be maimed was so natural that I was shocked to learn that not everybody thought like this. My life has always been informed by voices that tell me that I am not enough, by thoughts that warn me of incoming violent bodily harm, and imaginary friends who would rather be friends with someone else. Anxiety has always been a part of my life. It always will be a part of my life.
It's entirely crazy to me that this idea-- which started as a note on my phone that said, and I quote, "monster play, mental illness, good costumes?"-- eventually became an actual product with a script and actors and an audience to watch it all. This has been one of the most fulfilling, stressful, and work-intensive things that I have done in my life, and I cannot wait for you to join me in this silly, ridiculous, complicated world that I have built over the last few months.
I hope you enjoy the show.
Sabina Lopez-Jensen
Writer/Director
